I frequently am looking for the next “big thing” in television. I am not a critic, and I don’t pretend to have any great writing skills. I am a consumer. I am a 20-something consumer who has viewed countless hours of media from sitcoms to horror, drama to porn, and sci-fi thrillers to mundane frilly nonsense on Lifetime. I’ve seen quite a bit. I’m the kind of guy who not only tunes into shows, but if truly enjoyed, buys seasons for myself and friends.
Let’s talk about V.
I can’t say “it’s a great concept” which is typically my comment for pilots. A hook, an idea, whatever it took to get through the head of a network executive is usually pretty simple to isolate. The idea of “aliens come visit earth” rings about as clearly as “no SERIOUSLY dude. We are TOTALLY going to reinvent the wheel so awesome, for sures”. Why did ABC feel this show needed to be made? Is there a huge demand out there for dragging old ideas to death in the public eye?
Ok, the idea aside, I think that casting seems decent. They managed to piece together a cast that at least seems distinct enough that I can separate them out. Still, the cast seems predominately white, with one inter-racial couple threw in for good measure. The show needs….some kind of flair that it is hard to put a finger on. Humor would be welcome.
Where the show falls flat is the writing. The lines are so awful it hurts. Entire bits of dialogue and word choices could just be left on the cutting room floor and the show would be better for it. A few examples, live-blog style:
When the leader of the Vs shows up on Television for the first time, the boys go “whoa, she's hot!!”. Great line.
The FBI agents search through a small shack, and find a piece of rope on the floor. Oh wow! A trap door! Naturally, it leads to a very well lit tunnel and terrorist hide out. There, they find enough C4 to destroy most of Manhattan. Literally, just an unbelievable amount of explosives, hundreds of millions of dollars worth. Why is this in a very well lit tunnel? Why are FBI agents looking for C4 when there is an alien race that has landed on the planet? Aren’t there some more pressing issues then rummaging through storm drains trying to find munitions? Finally, I audibly groan when they find a dead body tied to a chair and we hear “I guess we can rule out suicide”. No shit dude, thanks for the cutting-edge commentary.
The FBI mother accuses her son of “tagging”. The mom knows “graffiti” is called “tagging”. How does the straight lace, single mom, FBI agent know this? Why are they having her say these lines? Who is this bizarre character with street knowledge of urban cultures wearing Anne Klein and a stick up her ass? How does this develop her character at all? So much confusion.
Furthermore, why is the football player son so damn emo? The bangs? The mommy issues? What is this character doing? He looks 22 with the emotional maturity of 12 (and he needs a haircut).
Lisa, the tour guide, has a blue jacket on unzipped nearly to her bellybutton. Having spent an entire three weeks above earth, she naturally drops in phrases like “hang out with Vs”. How contrived is that? Oh, I know slang and I have cleavage so now you want to serve the new Alien race? I mean, as a former 17 year old male, I can identify with having desires, but it is do damn unfeasible it only frustrates me.
The “television personality” character. I seriously have to know, did somebody raise their hand and say “what this show really needs is Michael J. Fox”? Now I love MJF, I love Spin City, and he is a real-life hero for his battles with his health. No lie. But why would you choose to channel him right then and there for that role? It’s so blatant, it just makes the writers seem lazy.
The worst line in the show takes place in a coffee shop “just….don’t…read things……into things”. Who the flying fuck wrote that line?
The only GOOD actor on this show is from Firefly. I won’t say who, just look for the only actor who can pull off dialogue.
“If you have info about a sleeper cell, you call the cops. You don’t go to a meeting”. Orly?
“Oh, you are bleeding” That is a reaction to somebody who has a paper cut. He has a huge, gapping gun-wound in his side. Several inches wide.
I do have to say, the whole question of what the Catholic Church would do if an alien race appeared IS a really fantastic question. Why can’t the whole show be that creative?
The speaker at the meeting sounds like every conspiracy theory on the internet rolled into one. This is so painful to watch.
The use of the phrase “Universal Health Care” as one of those “current topic” references is just awful.
Oh shit…….oh no……….. a sleeper cell of visitors…………..
Loving the Wesley Snipes moves by the sudden hero, Morris Chestnut.
Great, the best actor on the show just got killed. Awesome.
Nice twist!!! Did not see that coming. Wesley Snipes is one of them? Awesome.
All in all, I can't see this show GOING anywhere. What is the point? The plot is so slate and weak I am already frustrated after just one show (a PILOT at that!)I probably won’t watch this.
The only "V" I will end up loving would say "remember, remember flopped shows in November".
Edit: Found a clip of the writers working on the show!!
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